I’ve hurt people by not including them in my decision making processes, mostly LadyRusty. I tend to take the position that if something needs doing then it’ll be simpler and easier if I just get on and do it, or if something needs organizing then present one simple option so the choice is opt-in or opt-out rather than an endless series of if-then conversations which are usually unresolved in any event.
The conversation is what I’m usually avoiding, rather than whatever labour or obligation is the object of discussion. The conversation is never final, never settled and always full of moments where people don’t know their schedules, don’t know their obligations and don’t know if they can make it or do it. So, my thinking reflexively turns, this is fatal for productivity and it is better that I just achieve the goal and avoid the entire “how to” shenanigans.
Avoiding the conversation is part of a practice of trying not hurt people, and placate their sensitivities. But I know that it is also mostly about avoiding hurt and sensitivities of my own. Often I will have a proprietorial sense over an item on my task lists and when others get involved they sometimes want to take it away from me, do it some way that will involve me leaving my comfort zone, or just fuck with my sense of order and bugger up my sense of how things should be and should be done.
Whenever I do this I’m excluding others, failing to collaborate, and disrespecting the capabilities of others (especially her). I am not kind when I plan and execute. I am a bit ruthless and it doesn’t reflect well on me. I have tried, in the domestic sphere, to moderate this tendency, and include LadyRusty in my thoughts and plans. Very often I fail however, and I’m always a little surprised that my work ethic and the outcomes I provide aren’t appreciated more.
As yet I haven’t managed to work out how to include others in the planning and decision making processes about my own planning and decision making processes, I feel there is a contradiction here but cannot resolve it. The usual response, from me, to others complicating my seamless processes is to get a bit sulky and exclude myself from whatever it is they were interfering with. Not a good look, as LadyRusty will testify to about a thousand times. Hurt is an economy that relies upon a lack of scarcity.