I don’t think I’m ever going to be filled by the job: not as a Audit Committee guy; not as a faculty grump; or a divisional functionary; or even (should strange things come to pass) an academic. Audit Committee is like a tiny little Verdun where Falkenhayn and Petain go at it over and over again, sometimes with subtlety but mostly with uncomplicated over the top charges. It shits me enormously.
Nor do I wish to be filled by LadyRusty and the girls, my Dad took that route and was indivisible from the family institution. Love is a grand thing, and not to be belittled, but a kinder love is one that accompanies and collaborates not one that encompasses whole lives, crowding out and excluding.
I recognise that I could very easily slip into a life filled by pot and books and music, but I’ve seen this plenty of times and it has often appeared to me as inadequate, wasteful. Besides it is never quite as much fun as one thinks it might be.